i’ve been given the blessing and curse of a vivid subconscious that can sometimes be indistinguishable from reality. unfortunately, a good portion of those are filled with graphic violence, starring people i’ve never seen in waking life, doing unspeakable things. often i’m not who i really am, on the run from imminent danger. they hunt me down, filling me with intense fear, as i uncover secret truths. they haunt me when i wake and keep me on edge, wondering what it was all for.

this song is not really about that, though. in my dreams, i’m so deep in character that it’s hard to see the bigger picture. that can be true in real life. we see bad things happen everyday, everywhere, and they can’t help but to affect who we become. sometimes it’s easy–we process it quickly and recognize how we don’t want to be. other times it seeps into our psyches, slowly, turning us into the ‘bad guys’.

‘bad guys’ is about living in a world that does bad things and in turn consists of people who blame who they are because of other people’s faults. it’s about wanting to rise above all that shit, into your own world, only to find yourself secluded and out of touch. it’s about the seemingly simple and its hidden depths, and the struggle to strike the balance of who you are–both separate from and part of the world around you. and it’s about not wanting to be or to see the ugliness in yourself or others, and the conflict that brings.

when i wrote this song on my acoustic, in my head i could hear an electronic orchestra. i knew that i wanted it to sound upbeat, layered, and melodic. what i was doing was so basic. in a way, i wanted my parts to feel like going through the motions of life, while the rest of the band was my environment, adding color and shape all around me.

and this is what i’ll miss the most about working with this band. over time, you pick up on each others’ instincts. the unspoken is heard and translated into music. and–just like that–you feel understood… on a level that’s hard to explain.

one listen to the acoustic version compared to how we developed it as a band is all it takes to hear what i mean. listen for yourselves.

recorded this past weekend and mastered yesterday w/new alliance:

newly written home recording on 2/3/10, not intended for public ears:

stay tuned for more as we lead up to our final show/EP release at THE PILL @ GREAT SCOTT on FRIDAY, SEPT. 17th.

xOx
jlee

but that pressure was put to good use. we prepared ourselves in every way and transformed the uncertain into something very certain: this final work is undoubtedly the best thing we have done in the history of the ‘beam.

listening to the mixes late last night in the car, i was filled with an overwhelming feeling. it reminded me of coming off the stage at harper’s with mary and cindy after our first [real] show in ’07. it was a feeling of, ‘holy shit… we can do this. we did it, and it’s better than i could’ve imagined.’

when i woke up this morning i was anxious to hear it again–in my headphones this time–to be sure it was as good as i remembered. i walked the dog around the city with it on repeat. it was like i was walking a couple inches above the ground. and in my heart, all i could think about was how happy i was to have had the opportunity to work with such great people and musicians one last time to immortalize us at our peak.

because of you, we were able to do this. and because of ethan dussault at new alliance who dialed us in and made what could’ve been the impossible seem easy.

we master on thursday. on friday, we’ll stream the first song for you here.

xOx
jessica and the ‘beam

The guarantee of light-up toys as party favors would ordinarily be a solid ploy to lure local music fans out on any given evening. This Saturday night, however, promises to be nothing short of extraordinary, as The Downbeat 5, This Blue Heaven, The Sun Lee Sunbeam, Do Not Forsake Me Oh My Darling, St. Helena and Naked on Rollerskates take the stage at the Middle East Upstairs. The lineup may seem like a genre clash, but the common denominator at play here is undeniable: Each group incorporates the talent of some of the city’s best rockers … who happen to be talented females.

These six (count ‘em!) bands span the soundrange, from scream-till-you’re-hoarse metal, to the sugarcoated edge of pop-punk, to banged-up garage rock. For Jessica Lee of The Sun Lee Sunbeam, the distinct personalities of each woman and each band are what make this show special. “The thing I admire most in these girls,” she says, “is that they aren’t afraid to be themselves.” The show marks the second to last time The Sun Lee Sunbeam will ever play, and Lee’s sure this gig marks a high note to end on. “With The Sun Lee Sunbeam, we’re all going in different musical directions,” she says. “We’ve got some dance-y, up-tempo rock and some songs that are more punk. … We go with each band on the bill.” This is no small feat, as Do Not Forsake Me Oh My Darling’s savage spy-vibe dramatically contrasts St. Helena’s calculated crooning, and the soaring hooks of Naked on Rollerskates.

And the garage-rock roots of The Downbeat 5, who hope “to round out the bill with a little bit o’ traditional rock & roll,” according to the band’s vocalist and guitarist Jen D’Angora. “As a woman musician or songwriter in this scene, you just have to kick down the doors yourself. You hear, ‘I could never do that’ from people all the time, but the fact is that, yeah, you can.”

MacKenzie Outlund, This Blue Heaven’s frontwoman, can relate. “Booking the bands for our CD release show [made] me really want to connect with other frontwomen,” she says, “or women who play in bands with a bunch of dudes.”

She’s also enthusiastic about the light-up toys that’ll be handed out to concert-goers, each plastered with a download code for the band’s new album, Spinning and Shining. “Every note has a purpose in the building of the songs on the EP,” says Outlund. “We just kept coming back to, ‘Does this sound like us?’ Our goal is to be disarming. We’re female-fronted, high-octane power pop with a good-hearted message behind it.”

Whether they’re pounding on drum kits, ripping guitar strings to shreds or leading a packed room in a sing-a-long, these women of Boston rock are kicking the doors down by making music they love.

SATURDAY 8.7.10
MIDDLE EAST UPSTAIRS
472 MASS. AVE.,
CENTRAL SQ.
CAMBRIDGE
617.864.3278
7PM/18+/$10 ADV, $12 DOS
MIDEASTCLUB.COM

link to original article >

We still have eight days left before our fundraiser ends. If some of you wanted to help but find yourselves in a position where you’re unable, we thank you for your well wishes and intentions. That in itself means more than you know. But if any of you still wanted to pre-order–as we’ll only be producing as many CD’s and shirts as pre-ordered–you still have time. Our ‘dream goal’ is $1,400, but we’re so grateful to know we’ll definitely be able to make our last EP happen… and all because of you. You’ve totally made the difference. Go, you!

We love you!

xOx
The ‘Beam

Here’s the link for those of you who still want to pre-order. <3

thank you <3

We’ve done a lot since The ‘Beam’s initiation back in May of ’07 when the band was an all girl punk rock three-piece. Less than a year after Cindy Staton’s departure to attend Grad School, we recorded our first album “Look for the Light” with Eric Olson on drums as Mary moved onto the bass. But, this past year and a half has seen the most growth with the addition of Jeff Clarke and Mike Ward. We put out our 15 track album “Beneath the Burning Sky”. We played some fun shows, stretched beyond our comfort zone, and started to shape the new sound. We’re still working out whether or not we’ll be putting out a final EP to make good on the new songs we’ve gotten such a great response to. Stay tuned for more on that later.

I’ve been making music with the rare talent of Mary Flatley since the afternoon I heard her fly down the steps of the Pink Haus while Cindy and I were mid-song. She jumped behind the drum kit without fear and started playing along as if she were already part of the band. The past three years have meant the world to me and I’m sad to see the end of this era. But, through music, I’ve made a true friend, so I can’t help but wish her the absolute best in her venture to pursue a different style of music and a more balanced life. Given that Mary was such an integral part of the band, I don’t think it’d be right to try to find her replacement. It just wouldn’t feel like The ‘Beam without her. And so as she moves on to her next musical project, I’ll be taking the opportunity to start fresh, seeking musicians to create something different with, too. Expect to hear more from all of us.

Lastly, I feel privileged for this band to have had such a run. I never would’ve imagined it to go this far a few years ago. In our time, we’ve met a lot of amazing people and shared the stage with lots of friends and bands who we really love and admire. But as we’ve grown as a band, we’ve also grown as individuals. Life happens and changes you in unexpected ways and the best thing we can do is adjust. So, here’s to the future, friends.

On behalf of The Sun Lee Sunbeam, we thank you so much for all of your love and support. We’ll be giving free copies of both albums to those who attend our final shows. A limited amount of T-shirts will be available for purchase, or you can support our potential new EP by buying our music or merch online at thesunleesunbeam.com.

xOx
Jessica

visit our site if you need a refresher, or see recent posts to check out vids of the newer unrecorded.

xOx

because of all the silence surrounding my start to life, not knowing what i could–or even should–can eat me away. not everyone communicates like i do. not everyone’s as open about their feelings and thoughts. not everyone is filled with the desire to understand someone else from the core of their being. oftentimes i can feel isolated and smothered by the silence that lives in between us.

there’s another species of silence that settles into the comfort of being amongst someone without speaking. that kind of silence i can take and appreciate. that kind of silence is an art in itself. but the silence i write about in this song is the opposite of comfort or art. it’s paralysis; an anesthetic.

when i wrote ‘in the silence’ back in june of 2008, i was nearly four months into a relationship with someone who doesn’t open up as easily as i do. i could sense a deep connection between us that would take time and patience on my behalf to see through. but the silence between us struck a familiar nerve as i discovered that the frustration in the closeness i sought was reminiscent of my childhood and initial abandonment. i couldn’t place it when i sat down with newdie (my dreadnought acoustic) and my notebook in the kitchen, or even after i wrote it. but singing it about fifty or so times brought it out. there’s something therapeutic about the vibration of the words in your chest.

i can admittedly put more feeling than accuracy in the notes, so this song was intimidating to me–which is only fitting, giving that the subject matter was, too. but it wasn’t difficult to play with the band as they all intuitively knew how the song was supposed to sound. i’m so thankful to make music with people who serve the songs rather than their egos. there aren’t many chords in this song and it doesn’t move much, so it’s not so exciting to play. but i’d like to think that when we do play this song–in practice or at a club–that it’s rewarding to all of us. when i listen to how much their minimalist playing adds, i can’t help but feel that’s symbolic of the song’s meaning and that we really did it justice.

here’s the version i recorded on the newdster (the electric acoustic) at home on 6/5/08:
i’ve been told i can sometimes sound southern when i sing slowly

and here’s the album version, recorded @moontower with the band in june of 2009:

more legible lyrics are here.

we’re playing this at our stripped down acoustic show @ THE PLOUGH & STARS this friday night. hope to see you there.

xOx
jlee